Holidays are difficult not only for the children, but for the parents as well. It is even more difficult for the father. In the divorce, it is usually the dad who leaves the home. Getting back in there is not only awkward, but hard; it’s not your territory anymore.
Divide and Conquer
Discuss with your ex-wife scheduling. Include the children and ask for their opinions on the matter. Plan activities that you can all spend in "neutral" territory. Try not to overcompensate by giving your children an overabundance of gifts. Gifts won’t make the situation easier. What’s more, it can easily turn into a power struggle of who can "out-gift" the other. It's not a gifting competition.
Make it easier for the kids by going shopping together. Help them pick gifts for their mom and the new stepdad. By doing this your children will see that you are really making an effort to be with them. Note: If you have a new partner, they must realize that helping a child pick out a gift for your ex is not an attempt to find favor in their eyes. You are not buying a gift for your ex, the child is. Make this plan ahead of time with your new partner. Let them know that this is a priority for you to allow the child to express love equally to both parents.
Quality Time
Even the most trivial things make for fun activities. Involve the kids on stuff like writing greeting cards, licking the envelope close and sticking on the stamp will make them feel like you need them. Gift wrapping also makes for a great activity. Make it messy. Who cares? That's the fun! (avoid glitter at all costs)
Another way to spend some quality time with the children during the holidays is by filling the house with decorations. Find the perfect Christmas tree for the house, it is also recommended that you bring them along and let them choose the tree themselves, decorating the Christmas tree with the kids is a fun experience for divorced dads. This can also help you connect with the children after going through all the ugliness that divorce brings.
Showing them that you care
Hand writing them a Christmas card is a way of showing them how much you love them. You are showing them that your relationship with them will always be the same. Writing them cards to read on Christmas day is way better than giving material things. It is showing them what you feel deep inside and letting them know that they are always in your heart. My mom used to say, "I can either get you things or I can give you memories. I choose to give you memories". That statement of love and the basis of that logic have been my bedrock for 40 years.
Day out with the kids
Holidays can be very lonely for divorced dads, which is why it is nice to plan a day out with the kids. You can plan a road trip with them, visiting their grandparents. Being on the road with your children is also a nice way to bond with them once again. Ask them to plan the trip with you can excite the kids, ask them where they want to go to spend their day with their father.
Bring along your cameras to document the special day you have with them for all of you to cherish. When the kids are all grown up, they can look back on these pictures and videos of you with them. By that time they will understand that, despite their parents are divorced, they still have a father in you.
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